How do I take my coffee? Green please.

Since college my mornings have always started the same. Medium flavored coffee with two artificial sweeteners and half and half please. It was the only words I could mutter before that hot (or iced) cup of sugary creamy heaven was in my hands. I recall when I worked in travel camp eve the campers knew not to speaks to me before I've had my coffee.

Now... Before I go into the coffee green tea show down, there are two things you need to know. As so many other overworked, Jewish guilt ridden women out there, I have always had issues with anxiety and sleep. Once my doctor described me as not having an off switch. When I lay down to go to sleep my mind is like well hell no, you have so much to do! With his being said, coffee became what I thought was the solution to my insomnia and the only way I could figure out to get through the day after a night of tossing and turning...boy was I wrong.

In my first meeting with my nutritionist I laid my vices out on the line immediately. I told her "wine and coffee, those are deal breakers!" She looked at me and asked how I take my coffee...when I explained, she was mortified. She said, " no wonder you feel like garbage, you are drinking over 350 calories before ten o'clock with a side of way too much caffeine!" I was mortified. What will I do without my sugary pumpkin delight as I walked into the office! She made a deal with me, you can have whatever you want from dd just order a small.

The remaining time we talked about artificial sweeteners and refined sugar and how that could be affecting my inflammation and joint pain. I felt guilty and a little stupid....all these years I thought getting the little yellow packet was helping my figure and making smart decisions when all along that was making me retain water and cause inflammation. She went on to explain that as a part of my diet, she wants me to have 3 cups of green tea a day. I could have my coffee but I needed to have the green tea too.

Going home that day I thought long and hard about coffee and green tea and how much my feet hurt. I made a decision about the way I would look at this experience...if it might help, try it. I told myself, I'll do one week with green tea instead if coffee and see how it goes. The next week was a life changer and a game changer...

Currently I'm 2 months coffee sober and I feel great. What has changed you ask? The first thing I noticed was I became much less jumpy and anxious as work. Green tea is my new addiction so I do get my caffeine fix but it's a lot less harsh. My stomach has also calmed down quite a bit. It feels like my own little daily detox. On top of everything, I fall asleep and wake up A LOT easier. BAM!!! Mind blown!

From time to time I will still indulge in a good cup of coffee but green tea has defiantly become an essential part if my diet and the elimination of the daily 16oz cup of sugar, chemicals, and caffeine has made all the difference. Don't believe me??? Try it for just one week....I dare you!

If You Fail to Plan, You Plan to Fail

It has been four weeks since I started seeing my nutritionist. I never thought I could cook so much, eat so much, and make as many freaking salads as I have in four weeks. I have to say...it has been an overhaul of the way I look at food.  Me, the lifetime Weight Watchers member and diet everything eater just found out everything I was doing...is well...completely wrong.  Case an point...a woman who is no taller than 5'1 has lost over 7 pounds in 4 weeks. UNHEARD OF! On previous diets it took be at least two months if not more to lose that kind of weight.

So here starts my real journey, of ups, downs, anger, and fulfillment. Hunger, full bellies, and way to much cooking. And I know you are all wondering...gluten free? Dairy free? Sugar free? Wheat free? What is this miracle diet?

Whole foods. No white flour. Little to no refined sugars. Portion control. No artificial anything and foods should have 5 ingredients or less in them.  In terms of my health, I have upped natural anti-inflammatory foods such as veggies, cinnamon, nuts, flaxseed, olive oil and green tea and eliminated inflammatory foods such as artificial sweeteners, preservatives, and white flour.

So wait...you eat REAL food and lose weight? Foods like nuts, grains, butter, oils, meats, and you lose weight? DUH!

Let me take  you through my first realization that what I have been doing was totally wrong compared to my new routine:

Sample Day Pre-Nutritionist with commentary of how terrible this is

Breakfast
Breakfast Shake (read the back of that bad boy...I can't pronounce anything but water!)
Banana
Medium Brown Sugar cinnamon Coffee with half and half and 1 splenda (over 350 calories of wrong plus some deadly chemicals on top)
Snack
Yoplech Greek Yogurt (read the labels of some of those, high fructose corn syrup should not be an ingredient)

Lunch
Turkey on Whole Wheat bread with munster cheese and mustard (ok, this is fine but you can get a better dairy somewhere else)
Salad with fat free Italian dressing (again, read the back...nothing but chemicals for miles)

Snack
apple
Whatever daycare is snacking on/small cup of jelly beans from my bosses office (aka tons of refined sugar, white flour, and unnecessary carbs)

Dinner
some sort of protein sautéed in a sauce that comes from a package with minute rice and microwaved veggies (the sauce...the source of evil here)

Snack
whatever carb I can shove into my mouth--specifically those evil pretzel crisps in crazy flavors.

ummm...Water?? what's water? I usually nursed my coffee well through 3:30pm.  Maybe 2-3 glasses of water at max.

And now...

Breakfast
Organic Steel Cut Oatmeal made stovetop with either fresh apples or all natural peanut butter
Green Tea

Snack
Greek Yogurt with ingredients I can pronounce
Banana
2 TBSP nuts

Lunch
Spinach Salad with Chic Peas, grilled Chicken, topped with balsamic vinegar and olive oil
Homemade veggie soup with tons of veggies

Snack
Apple
Carrots and hummus

Dinner
Grilled Chicken
Roasted veggies and potatoes

Snack
All natural coffee yogurt
Grapefruit

64oz of water at a minimum each day

I'm not going to lie here...I cook a lot, I prep a lot, and it takes a lot out of me.  Just last night I nearly had a meltdown (tom would probably say an actual meltdown) when I finally got home to cook and left my ingredients in the car...as I got to the top of the stairs. But...I've never felt better...the pain is a work in progress but nothing changes overnight. I'm dedicated to giving this lifestyle a fair trial.

So here it is people...I'm committing 6 months...6 months of no cheating, no stretching the truth or writing lies in my tracker, and realizing that if I don't put time and effort into what I'm putting into my body, the title of this blog will actually be true, I will be a grandma indefinitely.

Coming soon...recipes, after recipes, and some hip pain :)

To Medicine or Not to Medicine...That is the Question

I'm currently looking in my medicine cabinet. It truly looks like I am 85. I've counted a total of 12 different bottles sitting there. Anti-inflammatories, well 3 different kinds of them, and more meds to help my stomach deal with them, anti-anxiety meds to deal with not knowing what's wrong with me, and pain meds when the anti-inflammatories don't work and I still have to be on my feet for hours on end at work and muscle relaxers because the muscle around my joints are so tense from all the inflammation...and well...the list just seems to go on.

I'M DONE. NO MORE.

Some of you out there might disagree but honestly, I don't care.  My stomach is bloated and uncomfortable from meds that I'm told to take but do NOTHING, sleep cycle thrown off from the anti-anxiety meds that are supposed to help me sleep, and don't even get me started on pain meds and muscle relaxers...making a habit out of those will just land me with a whole new set of problems.

For anyone out there that has to take a pill everyday, that has tried to work with their doctors to find the right pill, I get it...and it SUCKS. I understand that there are doctors who do end of finding the right mix of pills to help calm your symptoms and prevent further damage but at what cost? You know there are side effects to think about. The best was when the stupid PA told me the medication I should be taking to stop my immune system from beating itself up would make it difficult for me to have children and a known side affect is cancer. Well lady...sign me up!

With all of that being said...here begins the real journey for me and one I hope you will follow me on...my journey to control through diet and exercise. I've decided to put the pill bottles down, cancel the next appointment with some PA 3 years younger than me and concentrate on listening to my body. This is not a test, this is not a crash diet, this is not even a way to lose weight, this is the way I will get my life, body, and mind back. Do you know when I was on Weight Watchers I used to use at least 4 packets of splenda a day? That's not taking into consideration

sugar free foods that also have similar ingredients. Sweeteners like these are known to have not only inflammatory but other not so great side affects if used in access.  This is it...the turning point...no looking back now. Let's let my inner New Paltz out!

NEXT STOP...THE NUTRITIONIST!

RA and Lupus and Connective Tissue Disease OH MY!

It all started with a call from my primary--"I'm referring you to a Rheumatologist, your ANA levels are positive." Of course my reaction was standard of our generation...google the hell out of that shit. And so entered the panic.  As I clicked through symptoms from Lupus, RA, and Mixed Connective Tissue Disease the panic got greater.  Swelling and pain in the hands and feet were the cornerstone symptoms of each of these.  About an hour later, Tom walked in the door...he knew it. "You didn't google it did you? Oh crap...put the phone down!"

Shortly following my google meltdown...I found myself in the doctor's office nervously sitting with Tom and my mother.  I had to fill out a mountain of paperwork...gotta love specialty doctors. Rate the pain in your feet, rate the pain in your back, rate your anxiety level, and the list when on and on.  A physicians assistant walked in the door--she was younger than me...I just new it. She starts going over my paperwork, and so my dismay began...the rest of the story is TRUE...therefore I will leave out the name of this particular doctors office. Moral of the story, do not ask me to recommend a good rheumatologist.

"wow! you pain in your feet is a 7?? That's so high!"
"...AND IN YOUR BACK!"
"I see here that your anxiety level is an 8! OH MY GOD!"
For someone who doesn't know what the hell disease she has AND has struggled with anxiety most of her life...my blood was boiling and there was not enough xanax in the world to calm me down. At this point I clearly wanted to kill this 24 year old moron. I looked at her and said "when am I seeing the doctor?" She looked up as if she forgot i was even in the room..."umm, yes, he'll be here in a minute."

When the doctor walked in, I was sure the nightmare was over, he would reassure me everything was going to be fine and we would figure this out together.
WRONG...I WAS ONE BIG PILE OF WRONG!
He asked me about my symptoms...I started talking and showing him my feet. After about thirty seconds of me trying to explain my symptoms he cuts me off and starts talking to the moron PA. "Have her tested for Lupus, and RA, and Cyliacs, and I need x-rays of her hands, feet, back, and legs. You have some form of Autoimmune disease. The only medication to take will shut down your immune system.  Let's get more blood work and those x-rays. See you in 6 weeks.

...and that was it...the whole appointment...back to googling for the night...

This appointment was followed by EIGHT more at $50 a pop. Each was more annoying then the next. I saw a total of 4 different PA's...each with a different take on my issues and none actually told me what I have...

...CORRECTION...once I did go in and the PA told me I had Mixed Connective Tissue Disease, meaning a little bit of everything...mainly RA and Lupus. I left with the plan of taking anti-inflammatory medication to control the symptoms and prevent bone damage. I was happy to have an answer.

You know that's not the end of this story...

The next time I went in a saw a DIFFERENT PA.  Towards the end of the visit she said she was going to look over the last blood workup on me.  I informed her that the last PA already did that, she wanted to read it anyway.  I told her about the diagnosis the last lady gave me as well. In a moment of confusion she picks her head up and says "your ANA levels were negative...you are not presenting with any Autoimmune diseases right now."

Needless to say...I haven't been back to that office...and...I'm going to a nutritionist instead. But more on that later...  

The Truth Behind My Flats

"Gayle, you couldn't wear heels tonight?" "You call THOSE heels?" "Grandma shoes are back out tonight!" "Gayle, You have to wear REAL heels to the wedding"

My friends have poked and questioned my choice of footwear for as long as I can remember. It's time I laid it all out, the who, what, why, and how of my footwear.

You know that feeling at the end of the night when the balls of your feet feel like they are bruised and the arch of your foot begs to be rubbed? That's how my feet feel 15 minutes into wearing heels no higher than two inches. When I was younger I went to a podiatrist to try and solve my grandma syndrome. He told me that my ankles sink in, I'm flat footed, and the ball of my foot sinks lower than the rest of my foot.  Therefore, every time I take a step I'm rolling out my ankles.  Ever roll your ankle out before? Painful, right? Now think about wearing heels with a rolled out ankle. Yea, you'd be in flats too. To all your flat hatters, friends who continue to question my shoe selections, and short people who don't get why at 5'1 I refuse to "get used to" heels...get used to my stylish flats, sensible gladiator sandals, fashionable boots, and dare I say Grandma looking heels, because they are all here to stay.  If you doubt me...wear some heels the next time you roll your ankle out, you'll even have my grandma walk, I promise.

Only other person NOT in heels is a guy...standard occurrence.